Pinterest makes me look like a sloth. And not an adorable, meepy sloth, either. A fat, lazy, uninvolved mother slother.

Have y’all seen the post over at BitchinSisters? Seriously. Go read it. I’ll wait.

Here’s a preview:

The more I look at those little sugar-dusted Back-2-School pancakes on that tray, the more pissed off I am by Mompetition. I mean, how is one supposed to balance that frickin’ tray on one’s knees in the car as one is flying out of the driveway whilst applying mascara? It’s like those crazy Pinterest moms are setting up my daughter to starve AND get a serious eye injury. How dare they?

Dude. FIRST. DAY. OF. SCHOOL, my kid was tardy. The worst part? The secretary just nodded at me knowingly when I signed her in, like this was my fourth kid and I’d somehow executed a pattern or something. Gah.

This school year, I promise to:

  • Enjoy the drive to school by talking about cool stuff and/or jamming out to something wonderful. Or by not reacting to rolling eyes. One of those.
  • Not let sporting events make me crazy. (ibid)
  • Not volunteer for anything. ANY. THING.
  • Resist the urge to send teacher notes back to school with red pen marks.
  • Speak to my kid about politics, religion, life, and the pursuit of happiness when a teacher and or classmate tries to Fox News her. And I promise to listen.
  • YES. We’ll try to be on time, too.

What are YOUR resolutions for this school year?

(Kudos to the Bitchin’ Sisters for a great blog, BTW. I’m new to the scene and totally a Padawan.)